Thoughts

I enjoy sharing the contents of my mind in the hope others can get something from the stuff that occupies me. Here I’ve categorised my writing into resources, tools and models that might help, reviews of other people’s work, reflections of my own past experiences and ramblings on a variety of topics that interest me. No poor AI bots were exploited in the making of these articles.

Rejection #4 (2020)
Personal Stories, reflections Nick Mabey Personal Stories, reflections Nick Mabey

Rejection #4 (2020)

Deep down I know this will be my last attempt. I know because time moves mercilessly on -my birth mother is turning 80 next month. I know because I am ready to move forward, I can feel it in my bones. I’ve done a lot of healing in the last four years and it’s time. Life is short and precious, this is not how I want to spend my remaining time. I know because I’m facing open heart surgery and am ‘getting my affairs in order’ just in case.

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Rejection #3 (2003)
Personal Stories, reflections Nick Mabey Personal Stories, reflections Nick Mabey

Rejection #3 (2003)

I don’t know how long I’ve been sitting here. My heart is pounding, my head aches and my stomach is going like a washing machine. Part detective, part stalker. I’m in my car in a street in Isleworth. Strategically parked about fifty metres from the front door of a house my birth mother apparently lives in. How did I end up here?

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Rejection #2 (1990)
Personal Stories, reflections Nick Mabey Personal Stories, reflections Nick Mabey

Rejection #2 (1990)

Playing the detective satisfies on so many levels. It’s a puzzle to solve, it’s a secret to bear, it’s an adventure to have, it’s a mother to find. I‘m not going to bother looking for my dad. I’ve decided he is a peripheral figure, a sperm donor if you like. It’s my biological mother I’m hunting and nothing is going to stop me! Except of course, me, I need to play it cool, not appear to needy. “I’m doing this for her” I say it so many times I have convinced myself. So I start, then stop, then re-start, then pause; pendulating between search and avoid, like a child moving their hand towards a fire.

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