Private Facebook Groups For Adoptees
On-line groups can provide support, advice and a sense of belonging and community. There are a number of private groups on Facebook that have been set up specifically to cater for the needs of adopted people. Facebook may not be to everyone’s liking but there is no doubting the benefit it can offer in terms of connecting people of similar experience, outlook or interests. Here I review the three groups I am currently a member of.
Before getting into the specifics of each group there are three flags I’d like to raise. Firstly, as you may know, there is a lot of concern about the way Facebook uses an individual’s personal data. I’ve got no insight to add to what is already well discussed in the public domain, but I want to be clear that you need to make an informed choice about being a member of Facebook and how much you want to share.
Secondly, as with many social media platforms, the level of regulation and moderation seems pretty light to me. So anyone taking part in groups on Facebook, even private ones, runs a risk of receiving unwelcome or unhelpful responses, including abuse and threats. All of the groups I’m reviewing try their best to encourage caring, supportive, non-judgmental participation; at the same time each has experienced some of the problems I’m describing.
Finally, while the groups are aimed at adopted people, or adoptees as we are often termed, they inevitably attract other people interested in the topic, such as birth parents, adoptive parents, lost siblings, found siblings, loved ones, friends and professionals. On the one hand this adds to the vibrancy of the groups and we hear different voices. On the other hand it can cause clutter as well as some confrontation.
Adopted Adults Support Group
This group was started in 2008. It’s purpose and guidance notes are as follows:
This group is for ADOPTEES ONLY who need support in their adoption journey or feel they can be supportive of others. Please speak only of your OWN experiences. Generalisation aimed at any side of the adoption triad is not permitted as all experiences are different and we need to be sensitive to other people and their needs. Our aim is to provide support for adult adoptees in a caring and safe environment. IF YOU ARE AN ADULT AND LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO ADOPT YOU THIS IS NOT THE GROUP FOR YOU!
It looks like, from the block capitals, the moderators have worked hard to maintain the group as a place for adoptees to work with their own experience.
There are currently:
4,800 members with 50 new members added in the past week.
400 new posts per month
Three group administrators
The group rules are
Be kind and courteous
No hate speech or bullying
Respect everyone’s privacy
This group is the only one of the three that doesn’t explicitly have ‘UK’ in its title and so it is not surprising that there are more international contributions.
Adopted in the UK
This group was started in 2008. It’s purpose and guidance notes are as follows:
Are you Adopted, a Birthmother, Father or sibling and looking for relatives in the Uk? Or has your Child found you? Have you or are you About to adopt? Any stories you want to share about finding your family etc welcome!
There are currently:
8,200 members with 49 new members added in the past week.
449 new posts per month
Two group administrators
The interesting thing about this group is that there are 13 named researchers who help adoptees who are searching for birth families.
The group rules are:
Be kind and courteous
No hate speech or bullying
Respect everyone’s privacy
Only named searchers can do research for members
No research help for under 18s
Please read announcements (of which there are many)
No anonymous posting
UK Adoption Support Group
This group was started in 2012. It’s purpose and guidance notes are as follows:
This group started as The After Adoption Forums on Facebook and is mainly for adult adoptees and birth families. Adoptive parents are welcome to join in order to learn about the impact of adoption on adoptees and birth families, but it is not a place to learn about the process of adoption - it is a place to discuss the emotional impact of it.
There are currently:
2,300 members with 32 new members added in the past week.
42 new posts per month
Two group administrators and three moderators
The group rules are:
Don’t take screenshots
Be kind and courteous
No hate speech or bullying
Only share photos with permission
No promotions or spam
Respect everyone’s privacy
I’m neither a long-term nor particularly active user of these groups myself. I found them when I was in the early stages of setting up Still Waters and thinking about how to provide the sort of community forum that I would have benefited from at various points in the past. So at the moment I am signposting them more than advocating for them, although I do plan to become more active as Still Waters Being Adopted moves from a future plan to a current reality.