The Power Of Vulnerability
I’ve lost count the number of times I’ve recommended Brene Brown’s Ted Talk, The Power of Vulnerability. It’s probably something like a hundred. And almost every time I advocate for it I feel the need to watch it again myself first. I tell myself I’m watching to make sure it’s relevant for the person I’m suggesting it too, but actually I think it’s as much for me as them.
In twenty minutes Brene manages to speak to so much of my own narrative, story and journey that I am still finding new things in it even now. I watched again this week and realised that the foundation of Still Waters, in terms of the why and how, is mostly lifted straight out of the key messages of this talk. Perhaps I’ve been brainwashed from repeated viewing?! Whatever the reason, I wanted to acknowledge Brene Brown’s contribution to my own learning, hence this article.
It’s taken me a while to publish this because to be honest I have not been sure how to review the talk. What I’ve decided to do (eventually) is to list all the key messages below, in the order they are delivered and encourage you to watch the film if any of them resonate with you. I’ve tried to repeat them verbatim but have made a few editorial tweaks for the sake of clarity
Stories are data with a soul
Connection is why we are here. It gives purpose and meaning to our lives.
Shame is the fear of disconnection. Is there something about me, that if other people know it or see it, that I won’t be worthy of connection…
…this is underpinned by excruciating vulnerability – in order for connection to happen we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really see
People with a sense of love and belonging believe they are worthy of it. And those without don’t. It’s as simple as that.
We stay disconnected because we feel we are not worthy of connection.
Feeling love and belonging is the domain of the wholehearted
Wholeheartedness is about courage, compassion and connection
Courage means to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart
The wholehearted have the courage to be imperfect
They have the compassion to be kind to themselves first and then others
They have the connection because of authenticity. They are willing to let go of who they should be, in order to be fully who they are
And most importantly the wholehearted fully embrace vulnerability. They believe that what makes them vulnerable makes them beautiful
Vulnerability is not comfortable but is necessary for connection
Vulnerability is the core of shame, fear and the struggle for worthiness. Vulnerability is the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging and love
We live in a vulnerable world. We numb vulnerability. We are the most in-debt, obese, addicted and medicated adult cohort of adults in history
We can’t selectively numb. When ne numb, we numb everything – joy, gratitude and happiness.
We make the uncertain certain as a way of avoiding vulnerability
Blame is a way to discharge pain and discomfort
We perfect – we take fat from our butts and put it in our cheeks!
We perfect our children. They are hard wired for struggle
We pretend that what we do doesn’t have an effect on people
There is another way…
Let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen
To love with our whole hearts, even thought there is no guarantee
Practice gratitude and lean into joy
To feel this vulnerable means I am alive
To believe ‘I am enough’