Above and Below the Line
“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms; to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” Viktor Frankl. This quote by Viktor Frankl is the heart and soul of the simplest challenger tool I was taught; above and below the line.
If I ever write a self-help book – which I probably won’t but just saying – it will be called Mindset Matters Most. And if that book could be shrunk down into a pamphlet – a much more realistic ambition – then it would effectively be this tool.
Put simply, being above the line is about being in a state of mastery of our mindset or attitude. And being below the lone is about being a victim of the same. No matter what is happening to us, and how little control we have over that, we get to choose how we think and feel about it. Sounds obvious doesn’t it? It is a deliciously simple concept. And yet that doesn’t mean it’s easy.
How often do you slip below the line, feeling like it’s just not fair or the world is against you? When you get cut up while driving, or the computer plays up, or someone you care about is unkind to you? And how often do you stay below the line longer than is helpful? The feelings fester inside and seem to infect other parts of your day.
Viktor Frankl’s quote speaks of a choice of attitude regardless of circumstance. And he should know. As a Jewish psychoanalyst transported to Auschwitz in the 30s he discovered and wrote that “man does have a choice of action. There were enough examples, often of a heroic nature, which proved that apathy could be overcome, irritability supressed. Man can preserve a vestige of spiritual freedom, of independence of mind, even in such terrible conditions of psychic and physical stress”. Man’s Search for Meaning, first published in 1946 a year after Frankl’s release, is still available and relevant today.
Step 1 – Knowing you are below the line.
The problem is often that when we dip below the line, we don’t realise we have a choice. That’s the whole point of being a victim; we lose power over our own cognition, which in turn affects us somatically to the extent that we can literally feel helpless or hopeless. So the first point of using the tool is to help us spot when we go below the line. Because let’s face it we all do. Even the most zen among us gets rattled given the wrong circumstances. The key is not to try for a life solely above the line – that would be boring and tiring - but to be able to spot when we go below the line so we don’t get stuck there for long periods of time.
How can you spot your attitude, and know when you have sunk from mastery to victimhood? For each of us it will be different, but here are some ideas I’ve picked up from others while explaining the tool:
Make a habit of tuning into your physical feelings. Notice heavy heartedness, a knotted stomach, tight shoulders, shallow breathing. Any of these might be a sign that you are in a state of some sort of mental suffering
Look in a mirror. Stare into your eyes and pay attention to where your mind is at.
Share the tool with others and ask each other to call it out when one of you seems to have slipped below the line
Have an external stimulus – something like Frankl’s quote at the start of this article or the picture of the tool– to draw your attention to the concept
Long periods spent below the line are not good for mental health. Something that might keep us trapped as victims is a ‘reasonable reason’ for feeling this way. These are things we can all agree justify why we feel this way. For example, say my computer suddenly crashed while I was writing this and I lost it. I’d slip below the line no doubt. And if my partner asked what was wrong it would give me the chance to sound off about my crappy computer and how it’s not fair and now I’ll have to try and write it again. And what if it was to happen again? My partner may well agree that this is all terrible and a justifiable reason to feel miserable. In the guise of empathy, we may end up colluding over reasonable reasons to stay below the line.
All of which may start to infect other parts of the day. I put the washing out and it starts to rain. I empty the bin and the bag splits. I re-write this article but can’t think of an important part. So I go to make a cup of tea but we are out of milk. You get my drift. These circumstances seem to prove the whole world is against me. How do I spot I am below the line when everything seems to be conspiring against me?
Step 2. Getting back above the line
If, as Viktor says, it’s simply a choice, then surely the moment we can spot we are below the line then we just need to choose to be above it? Yes and no. Being below the line is not simply a cognitive preference. It affects our whole body, it’s a somatic experience. And our bodies don’t know it’s just a mental script. We feel the symptoms like it’s happening now; as if the world really is persecuting us. If you don’t believe me try this out…
Think of a time when something bad happened that really triggered you. Bring the image of it to your mind. Really experience the scene again. When you are ready, tune into the physical sensations you are feeling right now. Chances are they will be the same as when the event happened. Your body doesn’t know it’s in the past; it reacts as if it is happening all over again, making it hard to change.
So it might not be as simple as choosing a different attitude. You might need some practices to help you get back above the line. Here are a few tips I’ve picked up from people I’ve worked with:
Breath. 10 deep breaths is often enough
Visualise a time when you were feeling great about something. Have a resource on tap to imagine. As above, your body will react as if this positive event is happening again
Go for a walk, particularly in nature
Contextualise (my weapon of choice). Weigh my misfiring computer with the problems so many others have to encounter on a daily basis
Listen to a specific piece of music
Talk to someone (though be careful they don’t offer you ‘reasonable reasons’)
Hug a partner/child/pet
Write it down and enjoy the brilliant ridiculousness of your mind